


I'll always be here to help you, please, just ask

by himguy



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders Angst, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-28
Updated: 2020-07-28
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:48:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25563850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/himguy/pseuds/himguy
Summary: Roman is the big sad read the tags
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil & Creativity | Roman & Logic | Logan & Morality | Patton
Comments: 7
Kudos: 67





	I'll always be here to help you, please, just ask

Roman looked out the window at the bleak night, seeing the low visibility and high ledge, ‘ _No one would know or care, It would be so easy_ ,’ he sighed sadly. ‘ _Alas, I have more to do, I can’t do it, Thomas and the others need me. However, do they actually?_ ’ He convinced himself to stop his line of thinking, tucking the note back in his drawer. 

“Time to go see the only thing keeping me alive at this point,” Roman muttered to himself, not noticing the formerly dark side eavesdropping. He walked down the stairs of the mind palace and to the living room.

“Hey Padre, TI-84, and Virge Of Death!” Roman sounded so chipper, no one knowing the meaning of what he had said.

“Kiddo, you shouldn’t be so mean to Virgil, he is one of us!” Patton reprimanded him sweetly but sternly, failing to notice the slight grimace of guilt he wore. He quickly replaced it with a starry smile reaching the eyes. Easy to do after his years of practice. God, he felt so... Empty and useless. He snapped out of his funk, noticing Patton staring at him, gesturing to him.

“What? Oh, uh, Patton, I agree!” He fumbled to form the sentence, his thoughts beginning to take over his psyche.

“Thanks, Roman! I told you soup is better than pasta when you’re sick!” Patton continued his food-based ramble while following Logan into the kitchen.

Roman closed his eyes and relaxed, leaning against the couch, letting his thoughts consume him yet again that night. He felt a light tap on his shoulder; the hand tapping a strange rhythm, 4, 7 ,8 , 4, 7, 8, again and again. He realized it was a message to breathe. Roman tried his best to steady his breathing, failing miserably, his eyes shooting open. He saw an anxious Virgil staring at him, the tears finally falling, his breathing speeding up again. Roman did his trick he taught himself to help his panic and anxiety attacks. He rocked back and forth on the floor, back, forth, back, forth, back, forth, his breathing slowing down, back, forth, back, forth, back, forth. He focused on the task at hand, his breathing returning to normal after about 20 more seconds of rocking, his hands were shaking less and he felt like he might be able to stand.

Virgil looked at Roman with worry and confusion, wiping away his tears. The poor boy looked empty, not sad, not anxious, empty. Roman stared at Virgil, his eyes slowly gaining a look of emotion. Roman blinked a few times, then looked confused.

“I’m sorry- I’m sorry- I’m sorry-” He exclaimed in panic.

“Roman, It’s okay, why would I be mad at you for having an anxiety attack? I’m legit anxiety. Are you okay? We can talk in private if you’d like,” Virgil stared at Roman with a concerned, worried look on his face.

“Sure, meet me on the roof in fifteen. Imagination,” Roman said brightly. 

He looked happier almost instantly. Roman was so good at this Virgil wouldn’t have known it was fake besides being there for the previous scene. This worried him immensely. And why the roof? What was he going to say? Virgil continued to worry while Roman walked off. 15 minutes later, Virgil made his way up to the roof. Roman did not look happy, his skin was splotchy, and he had some blemishes, he had changed clothes into a simple gray tee and sweatpants. There was a piece of paper in his hands and he was gazing at the sunset and down at the 7 story drop. 

“Hey, you wanted to talk about something?” Virgil inquired.

Roman took a few moments and turned around. Roman’s arms had scars and cuts, a few fresher than others, but what shocked Virgil the most was the red thread. There was a single word there, and it was not a nice one. It said ‘useless’. He handed him the sheet and pointed at his mouth, shut. He waxed his hand in a small ‘no’ motion and pointed at his mouth again. ‘ _So he’s nonverbal, makes sense, to be honest, he could barely speak earlier,_ ’ Virgil took the sheet and turned to read the lengthy note.

It read… _“Dear Virgil, Remus, Patton, Thomas, Logan, and Janus, I am sorry. Truly, I am disgusting and toxic, Don’t attempt to change my mind, I’m sure you know how stubborn I am by now. Anyway, after this, you won’t have to deal with me. I will write a section for you all, please read it. Dear other sides, I sincerely apologize, and you’re right, but not the way you think. I am the worse twin. At least Remus can communicate more._

__

I go nonverbal, I stumble, yet Remus is always perfectly articulated and follows through with his ideas. Anyway, I am selfish and unoriginal. You are perfect and kind. You want what’s best for Thomas, So thank you, I believe you, Remus, and the others will do a sufficient job. I know I’m selfish by giving you all my work. At least you’ll do it correctly. Sorry to give you all of my work, and I’m sorry. 

__

You may ask what this is for. I am taking my life. Why? I’m not of use to you all. Patton: sweet and kind, Logan: hardworking, original, calm, collected, quiet, Janus: Sly, hardworking, good, Remus: Articulated, well-spoken, wise. You all are wonderful. Don’t dwell on me, yeah? I know this won’t be a mistake, you’ll get over me soon. Love you all, Goodbye.

__

_Sincerely, Roman.”_

Virgil looked over to the terrace with a look of panic, but he was a few seconds too late. Roman was standing on the ledge. Virgil ran over to stop him, but as soon as he reached him, he was falling. It seemed almost instant, the fall. Virgil reached for his hand and grabbed it, however. 

“What the freak are you doing?” Virgil cried as he spoke, a sob escaping right after. “I-” Virgil pulled up Roman from the ledge. He felt unsettled by how light Roman was.

“I’m sorry, I don’t know what I was thinking! Thank you so much for saving me,” Roman looked so grateful, which warmed Virgil’s heart. 

“It’s okay, Don’t you dare ever, **ever** do that again,” Virgil tacked on in a harsher tone. “I won’t, I promise.”


End file.
